Tonight Alicia and I will be attempting to eat as much crab legs as possible and force the establishment which shall remain nameless to go into bankruptcy. She assumes that she can put away more seafood than me, however she doesn't fully realise that up until a few years ago I was actually a Great White Shark living off the coast of Australia.
It was a difficult transition going from an easy life at sea. I was used to spending my days trolling the reefs for endless schools of fish to satisfy my ferocious appetite for seafood. I had to learn to walk, how to talk, and how to live with this gigantic tenticle between my legs (which I assumed was only for octopi?)
To this day I miss my former life as a shark. The truth is though many of my shark friends have either been captured by Marineland and turned into attractions or picked up by the Chinese black market. ( My how our fins were tasty) But I digress, I should feel right at home with an endless, all you can eat supply of fresh-ish? fish tonight.
We plan to test the all you can eat theory tonight as are fully prepared with a team of Harvard lawyers on retainer in the event that we get cut off prematurely. You're going down crab.
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